I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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