I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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