my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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