he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
