He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
