I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
