Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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