If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
