I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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