This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
