Define "chronic" masturbator.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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