There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
