those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
