I feel like I'm in dance class right now
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
