Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
