ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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