Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
