Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
