Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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