As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
