There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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