yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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