New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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