Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I skipped work to stalk him.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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