haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
