Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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