Fuck appropriateness.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
