Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
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Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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