Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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