god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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