3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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