i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
