OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
