I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
