So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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