I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
