After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
