It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
