I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
