Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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