i already hear my dad disowning me
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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