Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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