I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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