you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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