I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight