that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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