Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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