I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
