its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
