what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize