i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
