Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
