what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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