Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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