Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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