This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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