I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
