omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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