I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The uberlube is also flammable
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
