walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
