Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
