I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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