I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
