Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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