I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It's shark week go big or go home
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Drunk is a universal language darling