haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you