It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have aggressive nipples.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house