I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted