those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.