Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED