I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.