shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
