Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
