hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
